He said no, and yet...

I asked DD if I could be his sub again recently. After considering it for a few weeks his final answer was no.

Yet since then he acts as if he had said yes, he expects complete obedience and wants complete control without using the label or actually taking on the responsibility of being my Dom.

He gives me scenes in public, and takes the attention he wants.

We had a major fight last night that ended with us grappling and me getting a semi-scene.

DD doesnt like when i get upset, he expects me not to yell, cry or be emphatic with my voice.

DD decided last night after I had left and come back that he wasn't going to let me in his house. We proceeded to talk on his front lawn and he was embarrassed we were making a 'scene'. But he didn't want me in the house, so I had to beg to be let in so we could talk and he wouldn't be 'embarrassed.'

I used to feel welcome and safe at DD's place but now I don't. It has been used in too many fights for me to feel welcome now. DD has his key back because with every fight he'd threaten to change the locks, I got tired of the threat so gave him the key back. He said he would never give it to me again. That's his choice, it's a long-term punishment because he doesnt want to submit.

DD treats me like a live explosive when we fight. He says he is scared of me. I used to have a really bad uncontrollable temper, it has lessened majorly and when we fight now I spend most of my time crying/yelling.

DD has had prior experience with crazy women and he thinks I'll go off the deep-end and destroy something of his. Eventhough I never have before.

I'm paying for stuff in DD's past.

If he was my Dom/Daddy he would've handled the fight and put a stop to it.

DD wants all the control and subservience but he isn't giving me the proper discipline, release and protection that comes with it.

It's not fair.

He said no, and yet....it's confusing for me.