The Replacement

If you've been following this blog, you'll know that SS and I have been doing fetish/kink/bdsm stuff from the very beginning. We didn't know what it was at the time however later on we learned these things had labels and communities. We were interested to know more and meet others like us.

In a way it opened a new world but it also added the complication of labels. It was nice to know that others felt as we do and I think this brought comfort to SS in particular. The labels, while necessary in communities, became restrictive. They also separated our life into boxes. Over here is our Vanilla life and over there our Kink life. Originally it was just, life. We had no distinction between boyfriend/Dom/Daddy or Girlfriend/sub/little but now we do. It isn't seamless anymore.

We also struggled to be a part of any group. We love the people we've met and enjoyed the play we had but we're not really social people. We need the interaction and support but we're both awkward and shy in groups. Munches especially scare us.

End stage-setting preamble....

Some time ago, SS joined a martial art club that was high intensity and high impact. As she got into this, our impact play declined. It declined at the rate she excelled in this new club. She really excelled, doing awesome and I'm so proud of her accomplishments. She's tougher, stronger, and her endurance is much higher. Add to that the forced social interaction that she desires deep down inside.

As proud as I am of her and impressed she stuck to this instead of giving up when it became tough, it's impacted our relationship. We've drifted and our 24/7 lifestyle has diminished. If you have read the last few posts you know that she requested the 'kink' be moved to the bedroom. In essence, we've now boxed off our lifestyle choice and set it aside.

You see, she doesn't seem to need it anymore. Where she used to need a scene multiple times a week to transform her negative energy into peaceful productive energy, now it's already resolved in her club activities; club activities without me. What I offered is no longer necessary. This can be a frightening realization despite logically knowing that relationships succeed more on 'want' than 'need.'

It was a very special experience to take SS and release her frustrations, sadness and anger while filling the emptiness with love and acceptance. Together we found peace in those moments which generated a positive influence on all other aspects of our life. Now, she gets what she needs and I'm left out.

We're both highly sexual people with large reservoirs of playful lust but I think this hobby has also contributed to the decline of our sex life.

I used to look into the eyes of SS and see the devious desire to do all sorts of dirty things with me. Her face would often light up and if I didn't catch her we'd both be in a tumble as she regularly jumped into my arms with a squeal of delight. Now I often see the look that says, "You didn't kiss me right. What's wrong with you?"

Sooooo, today I went into her club and started trying it out to be a part of her life again. If you can't beat'em, join'em.