Value

Lately I feel like a toy.

I realize that despite my theoretical Dom label in the relationship with my lg, I exist for her pleasure and her pleasure alone. She takes the experiences she wants, while my pleasure is shrugged off into a future possibility to tantalize me and keep me in line. I don't take what I want because what I want can not be taken. It has to be voluntarily given. At times it seems like it has and then it's taken away. It's the carrot on a stick.

My lg tells me what she wants and I give it to her. I drop everything in my life to support and care for her every stress and need while feeding her pleasure at every opportunity. Is this her fault or have I been enabling a spoiled little rich kid syndrome?

I certainly have not gained respect or appreciation through these methods. I've become a toy that is used when wanted and pushed aside when not wanted. My time, effort, and finances are devalued and often feel wasted.

I continue to give her affirmation (respect, value, worth, admiration, appreciation) and in return I am raged against and treated like refuse. I thought maybe she was having a bad week, but the more I go over it, this is what we've created together. I am a Daddy on a leash. I am yanked one way to spontaneously pleasure her and on rare occasions she might offer me some attention to keep me from completely starving.

I am unable to aid in her accountability as she blacks out when she's upset and never remembers the things she says or how she treats me.

She's my little princess and I'm just a replaceable toy.